Stories versus DMs. The difference between a five-day and 50-day Snapchat streak. When to comment on a friend's Instagram post, and when a simple like will suffice. Social life online is governed by an unspoken but highly codified set of regulations—and for no group more than teens. "Ask any teen how to use social media—what those rules are—and they won't be able to tell you a thing. But ask them targeted questions and they'll break down a palimpsest of etiquette in rote, exhaustive detail," Mary H. K. Choi once wrote in WIRED. "To them the rules are a birthright. To most of us adults, they're as mysterious as the flight patterns of bees."
In 2016, Choi embedded with five teenagers across the US to learn more about their digital social lives. Seven years and one pandemic later, I'm guessing the kids she spoke to—now twenty-somethings—would only double down on the importance of their phones. But I'd also bet that the rules they live by online have changed significantly. In 2016, I was a teen, too. I Snapchatted more often than I texted. I drafted elaborate posts for friends' birthdays. I checked Facebook. All of these habits have become obsolete, irrelevant, even cheugy. I'm sure when I revisit my accounts again in a few years I'll feel the same way about how I use them now. I wonder whether any of Choi's subjects ever look back at this piece and laugh, or reminisce. Or cringe!
The funny thing about unspoken rules is how quickly they molt and change, often in ways that are articulable only with the benefit of some hindsight. Choi wrote that social media etiquette can be opaque to grown-ups. But now there are several generations of adults who have been online long enough to not just develop their own codes of conduct, but also see the early versions become outdated.
Here's my proposition for this week: In the comments below Choi's story, I want to create a time capsule. Share a rule that feels important to your life online at the moment. Or, share one you used to follow that now seems passé. I'll start: I used to think that including upper-case letters in text messages made it look like I was trying too hard, something I now understand to be ridiculous (good grammar and making an effort: both cool!). Write yours here. In another seven years, readers will be able to read about teens in 2016 and WIRED readers in 2023, and see how silly they all were then.
See you next week!
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